Her shopping spree had given her enormous pleasure but it had a downside to it. Not about the spending, she was successfully placed in her career and could afford the luxury of every temptation. Her problem was the space crunch in her almirahs and she had a tough time squeezing in her purchases. So, one weekend, she decided to declutter her stuff but she was not aware that this act would declutter her life.
In her arduous expedition, she stumbled upon a jackpot that brought an inexplicable smile on her face – an old bag full of interesting articles. It had her old college badges, greeting cards, a small teddy, a slam book and similar interesting things that tickled her delightful memories. While excavating those precious belongings, her land lay on a notebook, and she froze. It was a beautiful golden notebook with heart shaped metal embellishments on the cover. The pages were soft and smooth, and their intoxicating smell transported her to another time.
It was her birthday, and she had received a very thoughtful gift from Anurag – a stylish notebook to capture her ghazals and Shayari. She fell in love with that attractive golden piece, the moment her eyes fell on it. Anurag had always inspired her artistic instinct. He was a great support in her life. He had loved her deeply and had always tried his best to fulfill her every wish. How could she forget those days? But they were just memories. It had been years since she had last met him. She vividly remembered the day when she had broken up with him. Yes, it was she who had broken the heart of this wonderful man. Anurag wanted to join his father’s business after college, which would mean living in a small town for the entire life. But she had dreams in her eyes. She wanted to progress in her career and moved to Mumbai. Their long distance relationship could not work as their paths could never cross. So, she broke up with him. She did not have the courage to contact him again. She had many relationships, but none of them worked for her. She was trying to search her Anurag in every guy she met.
Her reverie was broken by some irrelevant noise outside and she came back to her senses. She felt the notebook caressing her soul. She opened it. It was unused and fresh. She did not get a chance to write anything on that precious gift because soon after that birthday she had broken up with him. But she wanted to use it now. She picked up a pen and started engraving her feelings on it. She emptied her entire story on those pages – her love for Anurag, how they had met, the wonderful moments they had spent together, her guilt and her silent tears. She had relived her life in those pages. She felt so overwhelmed with the pain that a drop trickled down her eyes and fell on the paper. She remembered how Anurag had never let a tear escape those lovely eyes, and how she had given him pain and a flood of tears. She could not even ask for forgiveness.
Her pain aggravated with every word she wrote. She could not write anymore and closed that unfinished tale. She wanted to talk to him. At least once in her life. She did not know whether he was married or not. She did not know his whereabouts or phone number. She faintly remembered his landline number. It was engraved in her memory. Although no one used the landline in the modern era but she thought to give it a try.
A hoarse voice answered the call. It was their family driver. He immediately recognized her voice. Of course, he had driven them to wonderful places when she was with Anurag.
“Arre bitiya aap. Bahut din baad awaz suni.”
When I asked him about Anurag, he responded,
“Chhote saab se baat nahi karwa sakta. Wo sab to naye ghar mein rehte hain ab. Is ghar ki dekhbhal mein karta hun. Number to nahi hai bitiya par address de deta hun aapko”
She got his address. What would she do with it? Of course, she could not visit his place. Disappointingly, she tossed the paper away and dived in her fridge to soothe her mind with some chocolate. She gulped whatever she could, with a hope to calm down.
It was a week since she had got his address. She could not pacify her intense feelings. She missed him badly. She did not want anything else but just one chance to say sorry, even if it would not change anything. She deserved the right to express her state. She was sipping her coffee and staring at the sticky note bearing his address. An idea struck her. She wrapped her golden notebook in a package, went to the courier shop and pasted that address note on it. When she came back, she realized what she had just done. This was a disastrous way of expressing her feelings or apologizing. What if he was married now and her wife gets that parcel? She regretted fiercely that she had succumbed to a weak moment.
A few days later, she received a parcel. To her surprise, It was that golden notebook.She quickly riffled through those tender pages. There was a little circular patch which was softer than the rest of the page. It was encircled with red marker and these words were written adjoining to it. ” I can still recognize your tears” She remembered that a tear had dropped down while writing that page. She was touched by those words. When she flipped the pages , she discovered that there were a few words scribbled on the last page.
” He had always loved her. He forgave his angel, they got married and lived happily ever after”